I'm Starting to Accept I'm Not a Truck Guy

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
05/17/2016 at 22:41 • Filed to: Thoughts and Tangents

I’ve wanted a truck ever since I was 6 years old and saw the new (at the time) ‘94 Dodge Ram on the road. I knew I wanted a truck! I learned to drive in an F-350 in fact before being gifted a purple Geo Tracker (that landed me my first out of two girlfriends). My stepdad had always owned a single cab Ford for all my childhood...but I hated that thing because anytime I was in it I had some chore to do. The kids in my area whose parents owned a new Dodge never had to shovel gravel or wood for stupid home projects...

Now it’s 2016 and I’m 27. I love seeing trucks but every time I’m actually shopping them I realize that everyone is out of their minds! The easiest way to explain this is that trucks are like wearing a suit that’s too big on you. You can tell it’s a nice suit, but it doesn’t fit! The more money I have to spend, the more that individually tailored feeling needs to be present. So I’ve accepted that my 21 year dream of owning a truck probably won’t ever happen. Instead, I’m going to be that guy in a QX80 or Yukon XL Denali hauling a boat over to Lake Havasu for the weekend. Those cowboys in khakis that all my friends and I made fun of for having sticks so far up their asses the spit splinters while trying to explain how their shit doesn’t stink.

The hardest part about getting older is finding out you judged people by what they have instead of who they were. That’s even after you pride yourself in being an open and accepting person! I considered myself to be enlightened at 12, but at 27 I realized I’m just as dumb as I’ve always been. There is a reason for everything Oppo. It isn’t that people are doing anything wrong or right, we are all heading to the same place but on different paths, and that path will always have a different perspective no matter how close or far it is from yours.

My path either changed or wasn’t what I thought it was. I guess it involves taking a Cyber-Hippo from Infiniti up a well paved road instead of a dune hopping Raptor with a war story to tell at the end of the trip. Oh well, I guess smooth roads and a driver seat softer than a pack of triple-quilted Charmin will keep that stick from upsetting my appetite. The wife is calling me for dinner, and all my kids with first-names-that-sound-like-last-names hate it when I’m late for croutons and cheese cubes with the Van Houghton’s. “The gouda is good but the cheddar is better, am I right Jefferson?!” *elbow nudge then adjusts khakis*

DISCUSSION (29)

CRider > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 22:52

Trucks are too big for you but this hideous behemoth is ok? Ignoring the fact that it looks like it’s having an allergic reaction, it’s the exact same width and height as a crew cab F150, and only 24" shorter.

Kinja'd!!!

Slant6 > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 22:52

Old mini trucks.

Big Bubba Ray > CRider
05/17/2016 at 22:53

I despise these hideously misshapen, moving monoliths.

CRider > Big Bubba Ray
05/17/2016 at 22:56

No other car quite says “I own a Nissan/Infinity dealership” like the QX80.

WRXasaurus > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 22:58

Get a circa 2000 pickup. They are generally reliable, smaller then the current fleet, nearly as capable, and cheaper to make your own. Just avoid anything rusty.

not for canada - australian in disguise > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 22:59

Meanwhile, I saw a lifted, bro’ed out Silverado High Country yesterday and I actually really liked it. The lift wasn’t even that tasteful, and it had those bro truck rims on it.

Kinja'd!!!

Looked almost exactly like this.

I also want a diesel truck, but damn they’re expensive.

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 23:01

I would not mind a Frontier pro-4x king cab. It is not massive, enough off road-ness for me, and I think the body style has aged well. I would not want anything bigger.

Kinja'd!!!

Svend > Slant6
05/17/2016 at 23:03

I’m growing accustomed to modern mini trucks.

Kinja'd!!!

Not ostensibly large and in your face. Practical size, good daily work vehicle.

DipodomysDeserti > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 23:09

I grew up with the Tahoe driving, boat pulling, suburban white people. Your judgement was spot on. Although they always have a big pickup and a big SUV.

Wobbles the Mind > CRider
05/17/2016 at 23:12

Has nothing to do with the exterior, it’s the interior and how the ergonomics are set for work gloves. Plus I’m such a passenger comfort junky. I honestly prefer to chauffeur than canyon carve. I like showing people what a great drive is like and it’s hard to get that when everything around you is just empty air space.

Wobbles the Mind > Slant6
05/17/2016 at 23:15

It’s an interior issue, not a sizing issue. Use of space I should say. I’m the type that hates living with wasted potential and that comes out to being all the empty air space I’ll never get to use.

CRider > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 23:27

I don’t see how that’s relevant, since trucks aren’t exactly canyon carvers but I’m pretty sure a crew cab truck has more room than the Infiniti, which is more comparable to a Navigator than an F150 anyway. They’re all full size body on frame trucks, the QX80 is just uglier and more expensive.

Kinja'd!!!

C62030 > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 23:27

HANDS UP IF YOU REALLY LIKE THE GEO TRACKER

*Crickets*

OK I’LL JUST HEAD ON HOME HAVE FUN GUYS

Matt Nichelson > Wobbles the Mind
05/17/2016 at 23:35

I can see where you are going on this one. I was the same way growing up. I remember reading Truckin’ and all the other custom truck mags when I was a kid and thinking to myself that I wanted either a lifted or slammed truck. A guy I knew in high school had a bagged s-10 and I thought that was the coolest shit ever.

Now I am 32 and have owned exactly one truck, which happened to be the first vehicle I ever owned. The older I got, the more I realized that I didn’t need a truck and that cars were what I was into. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Wobbles the Mind > CRider
05/17/2016 at 23:36

Don’t worry about it, you guys won’t get this because it deals with human-centric layout and my own dimensional experiences with in these spaces. I know things look alike but if your one rep MAX is 300lbs then 301lbs is out of the question, even if it’s “basically” the same thing. Same goals with a different perspective due to a different path. This is the kind of situation I was referencing.

Vicente Esteve > Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 00:12

Ford nailed the design with the current F-150. It looks so much better than the others IMO.

I know for certain I wouldn’t use a truck for its full capabilities, but diving one is a satisfying experience for sure.

RedlineZ bought an SV (And is getting rid of the z) > Slant6
05/18/2016 at 00:13

old school rangers are actually pretty fun to drive. even in stock form. (this is not mine BTW)

Kinja'd!!!

RallyWrench > Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 00:53

Why not just buy a ‘94 Ram for peanuts, and keep it around for doing truck stuff? No sense driving a pickup every day unless it’s really a work vehicle, especially as they are a compromise in many ways. My old ‘95 Ford often sits for weeks at a time, but dammit, it's the truck I've wanted since I was a teenager (though not the color, admittedly), and I use it often enough that for $2200 it's worth keeping around.

Shift24 > Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 01:04

So your giving up on trucks for a beluga whale or an over priced Suburban?

You know that one thing you said? about wrong or right? jk

Though I will say if you are looking Infiniti I would say to check the Titan interior. After going to auto shows i would say its top 3 truck wise for me.

Kinja'd!!!

A Nascar Truck series inspired k1500 for your time (back when trucks were trucks)

Kinja'd!!!

Amoore100 > Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 01:38

Don’t worry, I think I understand. Basically what you’re saying is that no matter how fancy it is, a truck is still a truck whereas things like the QX80 are closer to luxury cruising cars, and I agree there.

WRXasaurus > C62030
05/18/2016 at 07:50

The Geo tracker is awesome. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Wobbles the Mind
05/18/2016 at 08:04

Sorry to hear that. I guess we can’t all be awesome.

Joking aside, I love my truck. However, even though I really like the current Silverado/Sierra, I just couldn’t own one. Not anymore. I used to want one, but after a Colorado they’re just too huge.